I'm stressing again. damnit.
nothing new, right? Although i can at least honestly
admit this time that it's neither mine or anyone else's fault. it just...is.
too much going on, too much to think about, too many places to be when i really don't feel like being anywhere. ugh. low on rest.
otakon was surprisingly more fun than i thought it would be, but only because i got to meet up with pretty much everyone i wanted to see and more. Met new friends, met up with a bunch of old, and aside from being absolutely -exhausted-, had a good time cosplaying. am glad i went. didn't realize just how much i missed the acen crew until i was surrounded by them again, and it was almost as if no time had passed in between. i love you guys.
back to the grind, however, as everything rushes back on my shoulders.
-i'm up for a manager position at work. dunno how that'll end up or even how i want it to.
-there's too much to have drawn when i'm suddenly feeling uninspired. eyecon is next month and i want to have art to take with me...but it's that kind of expectation that always ends up leaving me stranded. i may just bite the bullet and pull my markers out to feel better, but i'd REALLY like to get things drawn.sammywhatammy
? totally in the mood for a collab if you are.
-my asthma has been somewhere off the proverbial charts. which is probably the biggest thing going on with my anxiety as one kinda unfortunately goes with the other. nothing like breathing weird to make you anxious, right? i've been eating a morning breakfast of oatmeal and tylenol nearly everyday.
-diet isn't happening. i want it to, but too much else is dominating my thoughts and i can't focus on it. i'd rather swallow the extra pounds then deal with a breakdown tho. one takes precedence over the other, truly.
-i miss my family. haven't really called or gotten in touch and feel like an absolute ass because of it, but i don't really know what to say. my little brother is going to be moving further away and it's tearing me to pieces when it really shouldn't. i'm happy he's happy, but selfishly angry he's going. i'm such a fucking coward.
-and there's also a couple more things that don't really need mentioning, but are up there on the list of things i HAVE to be thinking/concerned about which just adds to the pile. so, etc.
this is, once again, at the point of me wanting to toss my phone out a window.
i'm handling and i'm stable so far. it's not enough to send me over, thankgawd. but i gotta stop it before it builds. however, due to this i'm cranky, curt and just generally a killjoy to be around. nothing personal to ANYONE.