oatmeal_queen: ((breathe.))
if i could have one day to see you; to hear your voice and watch you smile, i would wish it was fifteen days from now. i wouldn't have been getting married six years ago obviously, but i wish you could have been there anyway.
i don't get to walk down the aisle with you, and the thought hurts so much that my chest aches, but your sons are picking up the slack, so don't worry :3

another year gone, still the single most horrible day of my life to date, and still i miss you with all of my heart <3

it's time to make March a better anniversary.


Nov. 23rd, 2010 10:40 pm
oatmeal_queen: (furious news)
so who locked their keys in the car and had to wait in the parking garage for an hour after a ten hour shift today?

oh yeah, that was me. fml.

at least the guy was nice enough to unlock the car without damage. but he took all my christmas money with him when he left.
hope everyone likes crocheted scarves.
oatmeal_queen: (blood on my icecream)
a great big fancy hearted and brilliant THANKYOU to everyone who assisted me in my last journal post <3 srsly, i asked, and you guys delivered. soooo much appreciation as i am now caught up. with like, everything. not that there was much, but hey, i'm entertained.
so yeah :3 you guys rock socks.

and hot damn, Dean. what's with the whole being a dick to Cas thing? dude. he's not your pet. quit it. Cas? Smack a bitch. learned him last time.
and i don't care what anyone says, i still <3 cute little souless Sam. (cuz we didn't see that coming? pfft) the apathy is actually quite amusing and really well played.
yay show!

in other news...
after spending two weeks in the wilderness, under endless skies and enormous walls of rock with no roads, no technology and no white sound....now? its NOISE.OVERLOAD. GAH.

not even kidding, i thought i was going to crawl out of my skin at work today. there was just...so.much.SOUND. and this is all normal sound! for here, at least, something i've long gotten used to living in this horrible city. nothing was out of the ordinary except for me.
but sweet jesus was it difficult, and more than a little anxiety inducing. i wanted to stuff cotton in my ears and call it a day.

by the time i got to the end of my ten hour shift, they started up the earth shaking machine vacuum cleaners and i had just had it. i was out, faster than i'd like to admit. augh, wtfkillmenow. sirens in the parking lot, cars and honking and echoes and highways and meowing and neighbors and just...sdghjkalsdgkjhg.

i'm gonna acclimate, i do know this (sooner rather than later plz) but damn does it make me miss the canyon even more now. not that i, you know, wanna live there or anything...but damn.
i pity my race. no wonder we can't really hear things anymore.

and with that, i'm going to go sound proof my semi-dark yet somehow yellow-lit room and bury myself in blankets until my ears stop ringing.
i really miss all those stars ;.;

vacay report to come, as soon as i get my camera from teh molly. i know i've got some awesome pics so if anyone is the least bit interested, feel free to stick around :3
but yeah, now. noise. sucks out loud.
oatmeal_queen: (Izma strangle)
Update on the AC situation is sort of in limbo.
Not because i didn't go to the office or anything, but because i'm waiting to see if what they told me today is Actually What They Mean To Do.

of which, i've been duped before. )

In other news, Iron Man 2 thursday midnight showing tickets for me and M, GOT. friday morning is gonna suuuuck, but i don't care XD i need more Stark in my life.

also, apparently i wasn't as done with the asylum commissions as i thought? x_x LAST MINUTE GUESTS AHOY. at least it's an easy one tho, so i know what i'm doing all of tonight. possible change of plans for next weekend too...tho not completely certain yet. May is gonna be the death of me.

I'm thinking i'm gonna do King's Dominion this weekend hell or high water. Cause i really do just wanna go, and i wanna do something with my mom for mother's day since i can't remember the last time we did something that wasn't church XP we'll see how things pan out with M's poor mama. and with poor M too, actually, since she is very sick :( *gives her tea and kittens*

On monday night i dreamed about tornadoes at my grandmother's house. which i didn't really think much of, cause well, (1) dream, and (b) my grandparents living in upstate new york. like, syracuse area upstate new york.
so i get an email from my mother last night to let me know that all of the great big willow trees are down at my grandparents place along with a bit more damage too cause of a freak mini tornado disaster that nearly took out their house.
.____. que?

my life is so weird.
but it better be well air-conditioned when i get home 8|
oatmeal_queen: (captain warp factor fuck you)
ugh, the E feels ill.

and no, not in the bacterial infectious sort of way, just in general. cause srsly, the past two weeks have been like a great big running gag. but there's no punchline. and there really needs to be one by now.

on the plus side, the commissions are finished. Done and done, art for Asylum 4 and Asylum Europe are out of my head, out of my sketchbook and off my computer. Done.

Also good, even though i don't get to go to England, I'm going to NYC instead. sweet. happy b-day to the sako.

i'll be working on a comic project as soon as i can get character sketches done and that'll last for a bit too, but won't be as manic as this last thing was. so yay for things to work on.

so yes, the stress of the commissions is over. and no, it wasn't -that- bad.
WHAT MADE IT BAD, was everything else happening at the same friggen time.

This is what i'll call 'an understandable reason for rage' )

EDIT: i called. they said the manager will be in meetings all day today and doesn't have time for me. he'll call me when he's ready, probably tomorrow.

or probably never. assholes. FUCKSHITCUNT I HATE THIS.
oatmeal_queen: (do not feed me)
oh hai gaiz! :D

sorry for the internet silence lately. i didn't mean to worry anyone, I've just had a week of no internet (oh the horrors), and have been trying to get myself to do other things with the time i have off from work. not that i can do much, but it's the principle of the thing. of which, i actually go back to work next wednesday ^_^ not a bad thing, i'm kinda looking forward to rejoining the rest of the world. and feeling better, that would be awesome too.

still healing, still getting used to all this new stuff and goings on with me. my brain and my body aren't all too happy with each other right now, but we're workin on it. sleeping still kinda sux mainly because i sleep mostly on my stomach, and seeing as there's a great big incision there, that's kinda not happening yet. tho my staples are out, and they told me that everything is looking great :3 so yay! no infections plz k thnx. they also told me i had already lost 13 lbs, but that was last thursday so i haven't a clue about now.

i stopped taking the pain meds two days ago, so i can officially drive again *glee*

eating is...weird. my meals are very small and are limited to things that can be thoroughly turned to mush before swallowed. no sugar. i'm on a timed schedule to help me with everything since i don't really get hungry yet, and i'm in almost a constant state of drinking. otherwise, it's not too bad. i started out thinking i would be hungrier with so little, but my stomach really IS that small now. bizarre.
eating out isn't so hard either. i sure as shit spend less.

but all in all i'm ok :3 i get exhausted really quickly, unfortunately, because i'm still not yet used to how little fuel i'm taking in. i'm also tired most of the time simply because sleeping is such a chore. laughing and sneezing don't hurt as bad as they did before (srsly, first time i sneezed after surgery, i was in tears, omg) tho i still have to hold my stomach when doing so, lol. each day is better than the one before, so that's a plus.

i've had a shitload of support. from both family and my friends and i love you all for it and cannot thankyou all enough. for those who came long distances to see me right up with those who are down the road and haven't stopped coming, i <3 u guys so fucking much.

the next few months are gonna be interesting.

on the plus side, i've found some mojo for drawing/coloring and FINALLY finished with [livejournal.com profile] tracy_loo_who's bday present (woo!) apologies for it being so late darlin! but a very merry belated birthday to you <3 hope you likes ^__^
warning, snuggling angel/man love. you heard me.

ohhhh, also also, so, there was this fantastic fic i read in the renegade angel exchange on the dean/cas comm that was incredibly impactful to me and inspired a picture that forced me to do *gasp* a background AND perspective. WHUT.
the fic is called In the Silence After, is an apocalypse fic, and is gut-wrenchingly sad, but VERY well written. (dunno who wrote it yet!) i love this kind of inspiration.

so the pic actually came out kinda awesome and i was really proud of it what with the hatching fun tiems and all. BUT. EVEN BETTER. [livejournal.com profile] aesc agreed to do a collab with me on it and proceeded to work her magic and make it SO MUCH MORE AWESOME.
She posted it in her journal here
(sorry for leeching your link hon) and i srsly love what an amazing job she did. I LOVE COLLABS. SO.MUCH.FUN.

oh, and for the record? I love my show. srsly, srsly gaiz, apocalypse and sorta!zombies ftw. now one of my fav episodes and it was written by the creator of The Tic. I LOVE THIS. (SO MANY L4D REFS. I THINK BEN EDLUND PLAYS IT. gawd i miss that game ;.;)

and damnit [livejournal.com profile] fauxfaia, why'd i listen to you and watch Glee? cause now i can't.friggen.stop o_o
oatmeal_queen: (sleepy chibiusa)
Just dropping a quick note on here to let everyone know that I am ok :3

i'm home from the hospital, with my mom taking care of me, and so far so good. aside from it being really damn painful (duh), everything is fine. they told me at the hospital that i was doing better than normal and aside from my oxygen levels having issues, there were no problems they were concerned over.

thankyou everyone for your emails, your comments, txts and calls. i appreciate it all more than you'd ever believe <3 truly.
haven't been taking many visitors, but that's just cause i'm grumpy and achy and i keep falling asleep. lol. it'll get better as the days go, then i can start seeing people again, promise.

love you all!
(and i have some really awesome scars, btw. mwahaha)


Sep. 3rd, 2009 10:46 pm
oatmeal_queen: (sleepy chibiusa)
I know it's kind of obvious how desperate I've been to distract myself lately, but this is just going to be another one of those things that I need to share.


do please check it out and play, preferably if you've got headphones or speakers available. this has gotta be one of the more beautiful things i've come across on the internet <3

my next week is filled with doctor's appointments, an attempt to put everything in order that i'll need for before and after surgery, and basically trying to keep my head on my shoulders. (along with cleaning before my mother gets here) i've gotten to the point that i get sick almost every day now, but thankfully i know its just nerves and not a virus or anything. just too much to think about.

writing and drawing have been practically nonexistent, but it doesn't stop me from trying.
gawd i am so friggen tired.

but i'm ok :3 truly.

13 days til surgery.
and 7 days til supernatural. oh boy!
oatmeal_queen: (Fosters Blue bluuurrggghhh)
There was a 30 degree drop in temperature from yesterday to today.


is there anywhere on this planet i can live and NOT get pressure migraines because of this crap?
cause srsly. wtf. i couldn't even sit at my computer without wanting to claw my eyes out. everything about yesterday SUCKED.
(except for you [livejournal.com profile] psychosako. you made my day so much less suck with the yummy food the geeking and the artiness, i ♡ u)

Bring it on ACen, i am so ready for a road trip.


Apr. 7th, 2009 11:06 pm
oatmeal_queen: (hell in handbasket)
my mother called me tonight, and i couldn't get myself to pick up the phone.
or call her back.
i think james called me yesterday, i'm not sure. he didn't leave a message, and i didn't call to ask him either way.

why is this so godforsakenly difficult? i thought for sure i was doing better.
oatmeal_queen: (ZOMBIES AHEAD)
ok, perhaps spending the entire weekend working on these commissions wasn't so hot of an idea.
despite the fact that i did get a whole lot done, i also ended up just getting really frustrated and angry with myself at the same time. the more you stare at something, the easier it is to think it sucks. that, along with a few other EXTREMELY irritating things, (including OT and unnecessary outsider emo) this weekend just didn't help for any kind of relaxation.
AND i have to do annual reviews at work before this tuesday that i haven't even touched yet. for me, and for my entire team. along with being in charge of training until wednesday.

thus, i ended the weekend with a House marathon and sketched some fluffy!smut instead.
followed by 'You'll Never Get Rich' with Fred Astaire. which i love, but it just wasn't the same without my dad's commentary X)

internet be damned, i'm gonna end sunday with a goddamn smile on my face.
oatmeal_queen: (olivia - cosplay me)

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Just spreading the love <3
No further reasoning necessary.

So I moved!
Thus, here I am in my new place which is a bit more than a mess right now as I try to piece things back together bit by bit. It's a little jarring, especially considering how long we were living in the previous place, but each day is a little easier than the last. It's just figuring out what order I do everything.
My new roommate is a co-worker of mine who I've known for about a year now. She's far more private than I'm used to, but that's ok. We had both kinda wished we could afford to live on our own anyway, and it almost feels like I am at this point. We stay out of each others hair except to occasionally chat. which is probably what its supposed to be like with a roomate, lol.
on the not so awesome side, she's very anti-hug :( tho there could be worse problems.
but on the awesome side, she has the most adorable kitties and it helps to ease how much i miss my Hana.

Kat just spent friday to saturday with me and it was wonderfully therapeutic. getting crap organized and just all around spending time with her and venting/laughing/having a good time, seeing as i miss her terribly. i've gotten her into supernatural too X3 so the fact that she was pushing to watch more when i hadn't even asked was awesome.

the trip to Ohio for Ohayocon was normal con stuff and a lot of fun with the usual bought of exhausting along with it. cosplayed for two out of the three days, and destroyed my poor heels in the process. x.x stupid feet. still, glad we went, and hope we get an art table for it next year ^.^

i still feel like i'm waiting for something, but i'm not sure what it is.

i AM, however, getting fairly eager to push myself back into drawing/coloring, which is incredibly relieving, to say the least. The entire time i had been in this art rut there was no real desire to pick up a pencil, but it's easing its way back into the forefront and i'm getting anxious to find my groove again. i think my muse has finally forgiven me X) (LET'S NEVER FIGHT AGAIN, OMG)

*cracks knuckles* back to work, wench!
oatmeal_queen: (icon ceases to be)
Frog Test
that totally boosted my ego. i am officially smarter than a chinese second grader bitches X3

the week is slowly getting better. work is still painfully boring, but i'm not about to complain when i still have a good job, so i'll get over it. otherwise, been keeping myself busy as the crochet queen and annoying the crap out of our cats cause they get whomped if they touch my yarn D:<
i know, i know. i'm such an old lady. complete with smacking at the cats. lol.

the doc today told me i was looking loads better than i had the week before and that it was an incredibly noticeable improvement. i told her to wait til after i had moved. then i'll be sparkling. x.x

i doodled the other day while i was getting my hair done. oh! which reminds me, pics were demanded so here's what i did: E!pictiem! i was going for red, but it ended up just short and burgandy. i love it regardless ^^ it's offa my neck and darker. win/win.

friday is my birthday and C is taking me to NYC just for the hell of it. I'm so excited, I can't wait to be back up there.
my days were confirmed off from work for ohayocon, so i'll be there too.
plus all the moving of stuffs coming up here quick.

busy busy january. that's a new one.

been getting back in touch with all of the old friends i'd -lost- touch with, and am enjoying it immensely. i feel bad that i've been such a bad friend, but it's wonderful to hear that everyone's still around and doing ok. i even chatted with my sister today. :O she's living in missouri and i didn't even know that. gawd. >.<
i still miss my lil bro. regardless that i just saw him last month.

anywho, just updating for the sake of it. i'm gonna get back to my tea and listening to Sting. silence, all of you, that man's voice is beautomous and no ones gonna tell me otherwise u.u

no worries.
oatmeal_queen: (raphael)
Am updating, because my lil bro was worried about me (<3) and said others probably are too.

For everyone that has been emailing and calling me in concern, I'm still alive and kicking, so please don't worry :3 Far too many of you are going through much much MUCH worse things than I am with your families, jobs losses, home losses, people losses, illnesses and all around bad times...so I'm hardly one to deserve the sympathy here.
thankyou guys. it srsly means the world to me.

I don't have any art to offer yet since my hands still shake pretty badly, but I'm sleeping much better and have been gratefully distracted with projects and friends <3 still kinda physically sick, but it's much better than it was on monday. Things are going to take a long time to work through, but I'm damn well gonna try. The pity-party is over and it's time to be rid of my woes and self pity. They're not worth dwelling on, and no one can truly fix this but me.
not everything is gonna be a picnic and i'm realistic about it. today is one of the better days, but there will be bad ones to come as well. i've just gotta work through them too.
Albeit painfully, I'm working on this one step at a time.

no worries.
oatmeal_queen: (seesaw winchesters)
Weekend of lazy and awesome.
I love it.

toooootally empty house, since the roomies are in Atlanta (OMG MOLLY, I MISS YOUR MUSK.) but i've been gladly filling up my time with last minute artiness getting set for prints to take to previously mentioned con, and all around doing nothing. it's fan-fucking-tastic. X)
aside from the very lonely and needy cats. christ.

the spn season premiere was fabulous. yay for angels, and yay for new stuff. have been trying so INCREDIBLY HARD ever since then to ignore/tolerate every fucktwat and their fanbuddy quoting angel shit online from wikipedia, but then, it's not like books are readily available anymore, right? or, ya know, credible sources, or maybe some actual research or old school impossibilities like that. *facepalm* srsly. srsly? no.
it's like a train wreck tho, i can't stop seeing it.
anywho, s4 show? good.
crazy, random, batshit fandom? bad.

oh, speaking of random. So Dan and I were in Claires today (yes, claires) and the three cashiers were all talking amongst themselves and apparently grossing each other out. a conversation of which i missed, but happened to see the aftermath of. Dan caught it, however, and i was amused by the conversation that followed when i asked him what happened.

me: So i'm curious what the hell grossed her out so much. was it really that bad? she looked green.
D: well, yah, they were talking about burn victims.
me: that's it? srsly?
D: ...
me: no really, we're not talking about how serious it is, but how gross. i mean, was it specific? cause it really depends on the burn as to what kind of gross this means here...
D: what, do you have a stomach of IRON or something!?
me: well, think about it. i mean, was it a second degree or a third? was it bad enough to need a skin graft? a small area like a hand or a large one like the whole abdominal cavity? Was it enough to sever nerves? burn away muscle and veins? maybe even something deep enough to go to the bone and prevent re-growth?
me: and that doesn't even begin to touch any kind of infection...
D: you're not invited to my birthday anymore.
me: :(

hahaha X) i had such a healthy upbringing.
in related news, while at said Mall, i picked up a bottle of blue hair dye which i'm totally planning on playing with sometime soon. maybe even tomorrow :O! nothing dramatic, but fun nonetheless. i've been wanting to put color back in my hair for awhile now.

Friday was...man, i dunno what to call it. Isaac and I (the other EPA captain) were given the opportunity to take a class at a nearby place in tysons in order to get more info and learnin on Illustrator. We went right for the advanced class with the hopes of learning more in order to teach others on our teams, and it was all sprung on us at the last minute like, the day before. regardless, we go without much of a problem.

first off, holy crap, Nina was teaching it. lol. however, she was pretty sick that day and ended up going home after about an hour. so they got this other guy instead.
after that tho? man. I thought Isaac was gonna throw himself out a window, we were that bored. nothing against the teacher, in fact he was a really nice guy and a decent teacher, but we both knew pretty much -everything- he went through. by the time 3 o'clock rolled around, i'd about had it. Isaac was crawling in his seat by noon.

It just surprised me more than anything else. I mean, have we really gone through everything there is to know of the program? that couldn't possibly be, yet that's what it feels like.
Still, on the plus side, it pulled me out of my drawing rut since i kept myself sane by doodling. which the teacher ended up asking me if he could see and complimented them, haha. ballpoint pen mess that it is. he had a good sense of humor, and was a freelance illustrator himself.
I am not looking forward to the prospect of a photoshop class in the future, unfortunately :( i fear the same might happen, despite how much i'd love to see if there's more to learn.

annnywho, going to see 'Burn after reading' tonight at tysons :3 happy saturday all!
oatmeal_queen: (Default)
So I finally couldn't stand it anymore, the whole being cold thing. I don't really own enough long sleeve ANYTHING to get through this winter, so I went out and found some.
hooray for target! I am wrapped up in a nice, big, warm, long, happy, funtime sweater and couldn't be happier X3 mom hooked me up with these cute, comfy fingerless gloves too, so I'm good.
if getting thinner only means i'm going to get colder, tho, methinks there will be more visits to target in the future x.x yikes.
total weight loss so far? 40 lbs. (which means GUITAR HERO! ...as soon as i can afford it. DAMN)

I never did talk about Nekocon, but meh, don't feel like writing a con report. I enjoyed it immensely, that's all there is to it :3 hooked myself up with some FMA swag too and have been enjoying my fall back into nerdom again. I was a lot more intolerable when I was into Sailormoon, so I'm not harping on myself too much yet. Gawd the moony crap I used to have x.x
Speaking of a clash of nerdom tho:
HAHAHAHA. that made me lol. srsly. I'm getting it, just out of principle. I love how ugly it is XD

my anxiety levels have been up and down recently for no damn good reason, and it's been really hard for me to keep my spirits up :\ don't get me wrong, I'm slowly yanking my emo ass back to daylight, but the holiday season doesn't help, methinks. This'll be the third christmas without dad, but things have been slowly getting better each year, so I'm keeping my hopes above water untill i can prove it necessary to be otherwise.

Going to Columbia for family stuffs on Thanksgiving. Thankfully the only family I'm interested in seeing will be there, so I'll be well distracted :) hopefully enough to calm my nerves and de-stress. Doesn't help that I have a million things I need to do lately that I haven't been x.x ugh.

My little brother randomly called me the other night to see how I was <3 and we chatted for about an hour and a half. dawww :3

<.< >.>
it smells like petrol fumes in here today XP
oatmeal_queen: (Default)
I need to stop being so angry at myself all of the time.

The decisions others make are not my fault or responsibility.
Just because everyone else is giving up on something doesn't mean I have to.
Being alone isn't the same as being lonely.
I shouldn't be ashamed of what I like.

I want to scream it until I get it. but it's really quiet in here and I don't think anyone else would appreciate that. (or think i wasn't crazy)
I've been swimming in my own, negative funk and I've had enough.
Just because other people aren't speaking to me doesn't mean they're avoiding me. Fight the right fights, lose the stupid ones. Don't be so dependent, it'll leave you nothing but angry.

I'm fine.
I need to stop being so goddamn paranoid.
ok, so now that i've granted myself a much needed slap to the face...I'm better. much better, in fact.
so yay ^.^
the diet is still going, so far I've lost 31 lbs. :D as of this week. I was supposed to allow myself to get Guitar Hero once i hit 30, but i had to get a vaccuum cleaner and now i'm poor x.x dangit.

I'm wearing a shirt today that I bought about six months ago. When I bought it, it was too small, and I got it with the intention of one day being able to fit into it...and today i'm wearing it comfortably ^______^
my pants on the other hand...ugh. XP

Someone sent me flowers today <3 the note was anonymous (tho i think i know who it was anyway X3) and they're beautiful. the last (and only) time i was ever, personally sent flowers was when dad died. I'm such a girl, these flowers are so colorful, they make me smile :)

it's friday. (BIG plus)
tomorow, i'm going to see transformers in IMAX, and I'm spending the day halloween/misc shopping with Molly. Sunday is our halloween artsyfartsy party. Won't have the chance to see any family this weekend, but I think i'm going to have to make a point in seeing mom sometime soon.
Nekocon is in a week. Our button parts arrived last week and we're good to go.

I finally got a new digicam, (for FREE~!) and have been taking snapshots of myself just for the hell of it (thanks Sako ;) it's addicting)
I have no excuse for being so damn emo lately, so I'm quitting. <3

Still looking for someone to help me out with storystuff if anyone's interested ^^ nothing too serious, just assistance/opinions on plot and perhaps a beta reader.

SHADRA! i keep missing you online, damnit. :F
oatmeal_queen: (chibiusa)
for the record, i had an awesome saturday, for once :3 *glee*

despite the fact that there was traffic all down 95 S today (ALL the way gawdamnit) and the fact that Kat is impossible to follow in general, I made a trek down to Richmond with Sako in order to generally chill out and have a good time.
Of which we did. and it was most fun ^.^

my nails got all done up pretty-like with arts and flowery stuff :O i <3 the design the lady painted on them and it's not even too girly for once. i'm gonna have to take a picture before it starts chipping off in like, a day XP

and I have poprocks and IBC root beer in a can.

gawdamnit I'm tired, got home at 1 and my entire household is all awake and being weird, so I'm going to bed. g'night moon!


oatmeal_queen: (Default)

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