...

I called my older brother tonight to see what he was doing for his birthday next week and to generally see how he was. I could tell something wasn't right almost off the bat, but I played around with it a bit humor-wise just in case, perhaps in the hopes i could get him to at least laugh. both mom and my younger brother are worried about him, and not in just the slightly concerned way. :(

so i ask about his birthday and get nothing. he wants nothing. all he could answer was that he wanted his bills paid and he wanted to disapear, same thing i heard that he told the others. i ask what's wrong and i get a repetitive answer of 'it doesn't matter' in as many ways as he can plainly and apathetically state it. thus i am no longer playing the concerned sister, i AM one, and ask him again seriously.
he hangs up on me.

...ouch.

so aside from the fact that it was all followed up by a rather pissed off voicemail from me in reply (not one of my more mature moments, i'll admit)...i don't know what else to do. yes he can be a jerk, and no it's not like we're all that close when it comes to our separate lives...but he's still my brother.
i don't how else to help him if he won't help himself.

this isn't killing my recent better mood, but it's certainly worrying me. i have a feeling this whole thing isn't going to a very good place. the surest sign being that he doesn't even want money for his birthday.
when it comes to my older brother? that thought is startlingly terrifying. i am so not kidding.