Purple Carrot Concentrate

I HAVE A PUMPKIN!
*happy*

that's it. just sayin.
^____________^

'hello again, welcome back to limbo.'
ugh. pass.

as if this week hasn't been irritating enough, today's rain is just making everybody INSANE. no exageration. city people can't cope when there their world is wet, it seriously makes them crazy, wtf, STAY HOME.

gawd i'm freezing. i'm in long sleeves (of which to note, tis a shirt i haven't been able to wear in years, woo) but i can't feel my fingers. which blows since all i work with are my hands. a.r.g.h. it's one of the drawbacks to loosing weight, unfortunately. pretty much the top of the list.
and oh yes, there is a list.
most of the people i know have never actually lost a great deal of weight (notice, i said most) but despite how much i know this is going to be good for me regardless, i'm out of my comfort zone and it's driving me nuts.
for example:
-i'm cold (still) almost all of the time.
-my rings keep sliding off my fingers. i'm terrified of losing them.
-i can wear some of my old shirts, but i have very few pairs of jeans that will fit me now. it makes me feel dumpy and it's still too soon to buy new ones :(
-i'm uncomfortable in my own skin. (that's a big one)
-i'm not losing weight everywhere, so i'm finding that i look kinda disproportionate :\ doesn't really help the esteem issue.
-i'm more nervous in public now than i was 25 lbs bigger. which makes no sense aside from the fact that i feel awkward.

and this is just the beginning. i've never been small. atleast, not that as far back as i can remember. it's like, losing a limb, slowly and one piece at a time. dealing at through stages where you are left without assistance in coping.
now, i KNOW i need this. seriously i do, but this is where, everytime i've done this, i end up giving up. because i'd rather be comfortable than miserable and i only have myself to listen to. which, isn't very promising.
i've found myself missing my family a great deal lately and i've been having horrible nightmares.
i miss hugs something terrible. real, honest hugs. and i'm lonely in a house full of people, it makes no sense.

i'm grateful for having my drawing muse back, tho i miss my writing one. i keep getting stuck on stupid(STUPID) parts of the story and it makes me want to stop and forget about the entire damn thing, as if it would really be that easy. new fandoms have been great, but fleeting. i'm living day to day again.

+
but enough of that. i just needed to vent, as usual.
i'm grateful that this diet is working, even tho i miss being warm.
i'm looking forward to halloween. which makes me smile because i fell in love with a pumpkin this week and i get to carve it. <3
i finally got my hands on Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness and I have been enjoying them immensely along with any other scary movie i can get my hands on in the house X)
my knee is MUCH better, and i want to try some cardio stuff -soon-. (ddr, bellydance, etc.)
tomorow i'm going to 'field of screams' with some friends at work. ^_^
i may be cold, but i'm not dying of heat.

but finally, THIS looks terrifying.
fin.

EDIT: oh, btw, is there anyone on my f-list who thinks they might have the time for me to bounce some story ideas/problems off of? preferably someone with writing experience that i can reach over AIM? i'd appreciate it if anyone's willing ^.^