oatmeal_queen | Entries tagged with augh why

So. My wedding dress came in the mail today. (fortuitously on a day when I was visiting my mom since it was sent to her)
and it's gorgeous and exactly what I was hoping for. Better than, even, since the pics did not do it justice.
Had it custom made from scratch, my specific measurements and everything.

Cept it doesn't fit.

Looooooool.

So that weight I hadn't thought I'd lost in the canyon? It was in inches apparently.
CAAALL THE SEAMSTRESSSSSS.

Also, they were supposed to send me three yards of fabric to match the dress so I could make a veil.
They sent me three yards of trim.

I wore it on my head anyway.

Current Mood: confused

a great big fancy hearted and brilliant THANKYOU to everyone who assisted me in my last journal post <3 srsly, i asked, and you guys delivered. soooo much appreciation as i am now caught up. with like, everything. not that there was much, but hey, i'm entertained.
so yeah :3 you guys rock socks.

and hot damn, Dean. what's with the whole being a dick to Cas thing? dude. he's not your pet. quit it. Cas? Smack a bitch. learned him last time.
and i don't care what anyone says, i still <3 cute little souless Sam. (cuz we didn't see that coming? pfft) the apathy is actually quite amusing and really well played.
yay show!

in other news...
after spending two weeks in the wilderness, under endless skies and enormous walls of rock with no roads, no technology and no white sound....now? its NOISE.OVERLOAD. GAH.

not even kidding, i thought i was going to crawl out of my skin at work today. there was just...so.much.SOUND. and this is all normal sound! for here, at least, something i've long gotten used to living in this horrible city. nothing was out of the ordinary except for me.
but sweet jesus was it difficult, and more than a little anxiety inducing. i wanted to stuff cotton in my ears and call it a day.

by the time i got to the end of my ten hour shift, they started up the ~~earth shaking machine~~ vacuum cleaners and i had just had it. i was out, faster than i'd like to admit. augh, wtfkillmenow. sirens in the parking lot, cars and honking and echoes and highways and meowing and neighbors and just...sdghjkalsdgkjhg.

i'm gonna acclimate, i do know this (sooner rather than later plz) but damn does it make me miss the canyon even more now. not that i, you know, wanna live there or anything...but damn.
i pity my race. no wonder we can't really hear things anymore.

and with that, i'm going to go sound proof my semi-dark yet somehow yellow-lit room and bury myself in blankets until my ears stop ringing.
i really miss all those stars ;.;

vacay report to come, as soon as i get my camera from teh molly. i know i've got some awesome pics so if anyone is the least bit interested, feel free to stick around :3
but yeah, now. noise. sucks out loud.

Current Mood: uncomfortable

Stolen from

sammywhatammy
( oh hai distraction )

One of these days i'll actually get around to finishing the Golden Compass books. *stares at dusty bookshelf* among other things.

In other news, fanfiction is an amazing distraction for a whole lotta awful. now if only i could get my stupid ass to WRITE IT, i might avoid a last minute panic next week.
*coughs* lets see how long those good intentions last me -.-
I'm srsly LOLing at myself right now for reading Legion fanfic, but damnit, it's better than the movie. more Gabe/Mike plz, i miss my own.

and of course, my heart goes out to my poor

fauxfaia. <3 u bb, i'm here if you need me and you know it. day or night.

Current Mood: moody

I know it's kind of obvious how desperate I've been to distract myself lately, but this is just going to be another one of those things that I need to share.

http://inbflat.net/

do please check it out and play, preferably if you've got headphones or speakers available. this has gotta be one of the more beautiful things i've come across on the internet <3

my next week is filled with doctor's appointments, an attempt to put everything in order that i'll need for before and after surgery, and basically trying to keep my head on my shoulders. (along with cleaning before my mother gets here) i've gotten to the point that i get sick almost every day now, but thankfully i know its just nerves and not a virus or anything. just too much to think about.

writing and drawing have been practically nonexistent, but it doesn't stop me from trying.
gawd i am so friggen tired.

but i'm ok :3 truly.

13 days til surgery.
and 7 days til supernatural. oh boy!

Current Mood: anxious

AUUUUGGGHHHH.

so the reason my printer hasn't been working for the past three weeks?
THE USB CHORD WAS PLUGGED INTO THE WRONG HOLE.
THE WRONG FUCKING HOLE.

ashdgjlakjeghawijevsonofabitch!
so much aggravation that could have been avoided if i'd just AIMED correctly.
deeeeeaaaaatttthhhh

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Location: where my stuff is

It was a hundred degrees yesterday and today.
in APRIL.

and the a/c in my apartment is busted.
fuuuuuuuuuuuck
the Galileo thermometer on my desk has informed me that the current room setting is set on Hell.
Sleeping tonight is gonna be awesome.

on a better note, Video Games Live on saturday was AWESOME. I look forward to going again with my brothers in July.
ya know, july, when its supposed to be this hot. not april.
damnitall.

got my hair cut today :3 not much, but enough so that i'll be able to do Lexaeus without looking like a pineapple. just prioritizing for chicago.
i'm also down ten pounds. woo!

this would all be such a great weekend if not for the GODFORSAKENHEAT.
i want winter back ;.;

Current Mood: hot
Current Location: where my stuff is

So I'm at work today listening to a podfic instead of music.
Which is awesome, and I'm glad I discovered such things in order to do just that whenever music isn't cutting it. :3

However, as a side effect to living in half of the states in this country as a child, I am a linguistic leech. In every sense of the word. And the podfic I was listening to was being read by an Australian, which is cool and I really liked her accent...
But it stuck. Damnitall. And i didn't even notice until someone pointed it out.
sjgk;aweklgje!@#$

I'm not gonna leave England without somehow getting punched in the face x.x i can see it already.
I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE.

Current Mood: stupid

( tmfi of my current issues. you've been warned. )

Current Mood: uncomfortable

So i'm feeling less like a lump lately.
but still have been very quick to get both irritated and angry, so i'm not out of the craptasticness yet. i'd apologize, but meh. i'll work through it. just don't count on a lot of conversations that don't end in 'ok enough, please piss off.'
it's just one of those weeks.
or months, depending on how things go with The Move and various other responsibilities i'd prefer to ignore. i'm grumpy and that's ok, cause its gotta work its way through my system eventually.

on the plus side, i've gotten myself back into some art, and have been happy to play with my new awesome laptop and my upgraded to UBER pc. Cs3 for the win. i love this fricken program. not only that, but it came with after effects and flash, which i haven't played with in years. if i'm bored enough, i may just fiddle :3
not that boredom has been an issue at all.
i was also lucky enough to a small, copic airbrush kit that i've been both itching to try and terrified of making some unholy mess.
the laptop is adorable tho, i love it. it's one of those that has a screen that flips around to become a tablet. i can even draw with my finger if i want :3 i've named him Sammy <3 *nerd*

oh, speaking of nerd. the latest SPN spoiler crisis is amusingly irritating enough for me to put out the effort to poke fun at the fandom once again. (not that i really need a reason) i was chatting with M about it at work today.
( cut for spoiler amusement, but cut nonetheless )

it's a good thing fandom is around, really. definitely a decent reminder that i'm really not as crazy and uptight as i think i might be.

yuck. early mornings suck on rainy days -.- I DEMAND SNOW.

heading up to NYC next weekend for my birthday ^___^ i love new york in the winter, so i'm really looking forward to it.

Current Mood: lethargic
Current Location: work

ugh, man.
this time of year can go to hell. srsly. i've about had it.
i tried, i really did, but no.
screw plans, i can't make anybody happy. not my family, not my friends, not ANYBODY. and i'm too damn sick right now to deal with the guilt.
this is why i hate phones. why being a hermit is so godforsakenly tempting and why i NEVER GO ANYWHERE. cause everytime i do? someone gets pissed. regardless. apparently i can't make decent choices without my mother holding my hand.
thanks universe. thanks bunches.
fuckit.
somebody wake me up when it's the end of january.

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Location: limbo

I just sat in a freezing car for a half an hour, listening to my mother go on and on about the drama that is ALREADY happening before the ~~cult~~family ~~disaster~~get-together this weekend for Christmas.

The more I hear/think/worry/stress/speak about it, the more I would like to smash my head onto something. repeatedly.

Preferably something sharp.

Current Mood: stressed
Current Location: where my stuff is

*gasp*
Majel Roddenberry, 'First Lady of Star Trek,' dies;
;_________;
nuuuuu!
Lwaxana Troi! The voice of the Enterprise! MY CHILDHOOD!
*sob*

aw, man. so much lame. her final send out will be the voice of the ship in the next star trek film tho, so at least they got that right (so far). had to happen sometime tho, i guess.
how is Shatner still around? man.

I am STILL getting through all of the comments from my last post. good lord. XD i'm so glad everyone liked that picture so much! which reminds me that i still need to finish the rest of the art I've been working on for christmas gifts and the like. >.>

Tricked myself back into doing crochet again and am enjoying every minute of it (aside from the carpal tunnel, but we don't talk about that aloud) otherwise, i'm generally keeping myself distracted to avoid loosing it before the holiday.
and oh, it's coming.
next week.
x.x

augh, man. so msn news has lists of the ten most popular boy and girl names of the year, and just for shits and giggles i checked it out.
the top name chosen for girls for this year was 'Isabella'. and i'm like, ok, that's cool, it's a pretty name...
and then it dawned on me as to why that's the top one. and i suddenly feel badly for an entire year's worth of young girls.
*headdesk*
ironically (thankfully) there was no Edward in the top list for boys.
but there is a Jacob.
i hate that i know these damn characters XP stupid proxy.

I'm debating on trying to get back into some serious writing now that I've been granted a few random prompts here and there of interesting ideas. Fanfic, yes, but it's better than no writing at all and at least it gets the wheel's churning. of course, i'd like to do something that'll force me to pay attention as well, like limiting to a certain number of words. hard to believe, but that's actually something i have a great deal of difficulty doing.
Conversations with Molly and hearing about Joe's recent adventures with 'Dead Space' have spiked a morbid interest back into Silent Hill. Psychological horror isn't something I've really played with when it comes to writing, but I'll try anything once. If only to see if I can.
Diz also dared me to do a short fic in the SPN universe involving two OC's just to see if i could pull it off without getting too wordy. I may just take her up on that X)

i'm looking forward to seeing my family. this is a good thing. let's see how long it lasts.

Current Mood: okay

*breathes*
ok...so. my computer is working. GAWD.
after a very long and involved weekend of taking care of my brother after his surgery and getting amazingly miffed at my clueless mother (tl;dr) Dave was nice enough to hook me up with a copy of Adobe CS3. which made me so immeasurably happy in the hopes that perhaps SOMETHING good came from such an undeserved migraine.

but my hopes were soon dashed, only to find that as soon as i installed both photoshop and illustrator, Orion2 FUBARed like crazy to the point that i was expecting flames. i still kinda am.

so i call up superjew, and he asks for my specs. well, embarrassingly, it ends up that this was something i have neglected to keep an eye on for my poor, awesome computer for nearly four years now. since i haven't really upgraded a damn thing in him. oops. not that i really think about these things, but still. SOMETHING should have snapped in my mind to tell me that the more involved a graphics program is, the more awesome my comp would need to be to run it.

Regardless, i am now looking at a total overhaul. technically, i could go without, but it's a timebomb at this point considering all the crap that needs to be wiped clean here. Which means i'll probably be set back a good three hundred if i do it now instead of waiting for the computer rapture. where it would undoubtedly be more.
the amount isn't as bad as it -could- be, considering my relation to superjew, but still. damn. merry fucking christmas.
last year it was my car.

i want my holiday back and i want it back now. *stamps floor*

gawd i'm tired.
NOTE TO SELF: LOTION IS NOT TOOTHPASTE. GET MORE SLEEP.

on the plus side, i know my brother won't steer me wrong in any way, and that he's barely charging me for the work he'll do. he was also able to hook me up with an uber printer for a decently awesome price to take with me for when i move. not to mention him dealing rather politely with my cranky ass on the phone trying to fix it all.
all good things. *counts them*

i'd vent about the family crap, but it feels like beating a dead horse at this point. i'm glad my mother is happy, (no really, i am) so i'll just let that be it and avoid the topic. if she decides to pull her maturity together and stops trying to get me to make her damn decisions, then this wouldn't be a problem. not that saying anything will make ANY DAMN DIFFERENCE since she's so head over heels in love. whatever. i'm over it.
be my guest and bail on Christmas, i don't care.
it's not like it'll ever be the same again anyway.
*beats that horse again just for the hell of it*

someone let me know when the holidays are over, i'll just be over here making cookies.
>:[

Current Location: the place my stuff is

Randomly took one of those Keirsey tests from my F-List, since I hadn't taken one in awhile. Mine's changed since I last took it, but not by much. (i think i used to be the healer, but i can't remember. that was back before dad died anyway.)

Your Type is:
PROTECTOR - ISFJ (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging)
with info here and here if anyone cares.
*shrugs* just thought i'd share X)

NOTE TO SELF.
Needing clean laundry yet not really -doing- your laundry all weekend is COUNTER PRODUCTIVE. quit yer damn slackin, stupid!

Working on getting art done for Nekocon, which is swiftly creeping up on me, and trying really hard not to get sick/stress out. Recent events from a halloween fun house haven't really helped my nerves or my sleep habits recently, but whatever doesn't kill you, right? x_x
i won't go into detail, but for the record? Claustrophobia SUX BALLS.

sooo many things i need to get done. My markers better have missed me, cause they're about to get some massive amounts of lovin.

it is srsly almost november.
wow.

Current Mood: awake

( Ugh. )

Current Mood: sore
Current Location: where my stuff is

( Dear good ol body 'o mine, )

Just when I thought they'd blown the all clear...there were sharks in the water. ;.;
aaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhoooooowwwwwwwww

Current Mood: worried
Current Location: home

Dear left shoulder:
stay where you're supposed to. the socket was made for a damn good reason.

Dear left knee cap:
stay where you're supposed to. popping i can handle. popping and collapsing on me isn't nice. ouch.

Dear throat:
i'm not supposed to sound like that. your coughing makes my ribs hurt. jokes over, cut it out.

Dear universe:
I FUCKING GET IT. STOP.

this weekend better be fan-fucking-tastic, cause I'm building up enough karma at this point to earn me a few happy awesome days of no-hurting.
Tylenol wasn't made for all of this at once. x.x how the hell old am i and when did i miss the war?

Current Mood: pissed off

I'm stressing again. damnit.

nothing new, right? Although i can at least honestly admit this time that it's neither mine or anyone else's fault. it just...is.
too much going on, too much to think about, too many places to be when i really don't feel like being anywhere. ugh. low on rest.

otakon was surprisingly more fun than i thought it would be, but only because i got to meet up with pretty much everyone i wanted to see and more. Met new friends, met up with a bunch of old, and aside from being absolutely -exhausted-, had a good time cosplaying. am glad i went. didn't realize just how much i missed the acen crew until i was surrounded by them again, and it was almost as if no time had passed in between. i love you guys.

back to the grind, however, as everything rushes back on my shoulders.
-i'm up for a manager position at work. dunno how that'll end up or even how i want it to.
-there's too much to have drawn when i'm suddenly feeling uninspired. eyecon is next month and i want to have art to take with me...but it's that kind of expectation that always ends up leaving me stranded. i may just bite the bullet and pull my markers out to feel better, but i'd REALLY like to get things drawn.

sammywhatammy? totally in the mood for a collab if you are.
-my asthma has been somewhere off the proverbial charts. which is probably the biggest thing going on with my anxiety as one kinda unfortunately goes with the other. nothing like breathing weird to make you anxious, right? i've been eating a morning breakfast of oatmeal and tylenol nearly everyday.
-diet isn't happening. i want it to, but too much else is dominating my thoughts and i can't focus on it. i'd rather swallow the extra pounds then deal with a breakdown tho. one takes precedence over the other, truly.
-i miss my family. haven't really called or gotten in touch and feel like an absolute ass because of it, but i don't really know what to say. my little brother is going to be moving further away and it's tearing me to pieces when it really shouldn't. i'm happy he's happy, but selfishly angry he's going. i'm such a fucking coward.
-and there's also a couple more things that don't really need mentioning, but are up there on the list of things i HAVE to be thinking/concerned about which just adds to the pile. so, etc.

this is, once again, at the point of me wanting to toss my phone out a window.

i'm handling and i'm stable so far. it's not enough to send me over, thankgawd. but i gotta stop it before it builds. however, due to this i'm cranky, curt and just generally a killjoy to be around. nothing personal to ANYONE.
just sayin.

Current Mood: cranky
Current Location: work

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

LOL.

cause i needed a good chuckle.
oog. man. schedules are crazy and EVERY.ONE.WANTS.TO.SEE.ME.ALL.OF.A.SUDDEN.WTH.
when did i get so damned popular? x.x
and i'd totally be up for going out and just hanging with everyone if not for things being so crazy lately. so bear with me, humans. i am but a single (yet awesome) person who hates making plans. work with me here.
work is hectic, yet manageable. gonna be in charge of training for the next two weeks, so getting prepared has been kinda nerve wracking.
been drawing like a madwoman (when i have the time), but not enough coloring.
kat wants me this weekend, going camping next weeked with sako, family reunion the following one (without my brothers tho. WOE.) and then...something something something i should write these things down.
x_X
peaceful sleep is for the weak.
my next planned vacation will be a scheduled week long coma methinks. i'll be traveling first class, of course.
guh, why can't i lose weight when i'm stressed like normal crazy people? XP

Current Mood: cranky
Current Location: home

ugh, man. hellooo weekend.
don't get me wrong, i'm ok. and things could ALWAYS be worse. but there are weeks like this that make me glad to just be at the END of them. XP stress + anxiety + work = slightly frazzled.
i wonder sometimes if i run myself ragged on purpose just so i can have this sense of relief when it's over. i'm hope i'm not really that crazy.
*shakes it off*

So, all that crap aside, i made a big decision this week. (well, big for me) I'm going to go to Eyecon in September. which is a sci-fi, supernatural convention in florida. :O something i was back and forth about doing for a month or so before finally just giving up doing what i'd really like to do. and it really does kinda feel like karma with all of the events that led up to the decision :) which was cute, really. (i won't bore with the details, but it was very karma-ish)

so this means, that since Eyecon is only a week after Anime Weekend Atlanta, and there isn't a chance in hell of me taking the time off to attend both, i'll thus be forfeiting the trip to Georgia. It's a tough choice, since I feel kinda bad that the rest of Angel Jules Studios will be there, but I feel somehow that if I don't get myself to do this THIS year, then things won't ever fall into place as easily as they have now. so here's hoping :3

i'm a little nervous, however, as this will be the first convention i attend completely ON MY OWN. including the fact that there isn't really anyone i personally know attending. but oh well. what the hell, why not? if anything, it's something new, right? there won't always be people around to go with me to the places i'd like to see. *crosses fingers*

Still arting/drawing/coloring/being creative. Still generally being in good spirits and still back to working on the diet thing. i've pretty much lost most of what i gained back in my dumb little hiatus (which was nice to see that i could kick my own ass so well) so I intend on continuing to do so before i get my Olivier Armstrong costume together for Nekocon. we'll see how that pans out. i'm cautiously optimistic, but it comes and goes. living with junk food junkies doesn't really help x.x

the rollercoaster that was this week has somehow ended on such a not-so-assured thump at the end that it's left me wondering what could possibly come next.
yet the more i think about it, the more i really, really don't want to know.
OMG, WHY AM I STILL AWAKE. *poofs*

Current Mood: drained
Current Location: home

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oatmeal_queen

April 2011

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Purple Carrot Concentrate

Gam zeh ya'avor

Entries tagged with augh why

You'd think I was happy about this...

eeeerrroooooowwwwrrrrrrrrMEEEEEEPfooooooooom

Dæmon anyone?

play

!@#$

galileo warns of impending doom

wait...what'd i say?

journaling for journaling sake

too many goddamn vampires

E!SMASH

geezusfingkriste

'Isn't that right Mr. Woof?'

if you're going to shoot, don't talk, JUST SHOOT.

there'll be peace when you are done

venting 101 on a terrible horrible no good very bad day

Public Service Announcement

assdfjnhwsleigjksmdv

puttering til i'm out of service

and thus it shall be...

With fingernails that shine like justice