Purple Carrot Concentrate

stolen from authoressnebula, cause i could.

( mememememeeee )

Been horribly busy. between working, drawing, trying to be semi-social and then organizing as much as i can for a wedding...i have no life.
which, btw, i don't care what anyone says, planning a wedding is a veritable nightmare if you haven't been dreaming of it since birth. srsly. i had no plans, nothing in mind, no image of what it was all supposed to look like when that life altering day would come and everything would just fall into place. pffft. bullshit. its hard.
i am going to be ECSTATIC when i can just BE married and all of this can be done. did you know the average wedding costs 27k? THAT'S AVERAGE. WHERE ARE PEOPLE GETTING THIS MONEY.

on the plus side, the design aspect of it is rather fun, but well, saw that coming since i have an affinity for design. that and so far there have been plenty of people around to keep me sane. so far so good. the wedding itself will be on March 25 of next year, so who knows what'll happen between now and then. at this point, if i don't kill my mother (or myself) before this is all over, i'll consider it win/win. possibly.

so hey, how bout a real entry this time.

( post surgery stuffs, some slightly TMI )

in other news, no Supernatural til January :( still working on the fifty things i gotta finish drawing, coloring and otherwise FINISHING for people (but am happy to be inspired regardless)
gotta apartment hunt very friggen soon, so i'm moving NEXT MONTH. WHUT.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. ACK.
x___x
i cannot believe it's December.

the obligatory 'night before' post, i guess.
wow, that kinda rushed up on me. yikes.

So tomorrow i go into the hospital for an open RNY surgical procedure (aka, gastric bypass). i'll be there for three days, two nights, so long as everything comes out ok and i'm doing ok. then i come home and will be off work having the crappiest three week vacation in the history of ever.
its gonna hurt, i have no allusions to think otherwise. but hey, getting shot would be worse. (i assume)

my mother is coming to stay with me til sunday, which has its pluses and minuses really x_x i love that i'll have someone to help me that i trust (and don't feel so bad asking for help) but on the other hand...it's my mother. she can't help but send my anxiety through the roof, it never fails, and she's going to bend over backwards to make sure everything is done according to her methods of healing. which is gonna drive me batshit by friday, i'm betting. drugs or not.

but anyway, i'm ok. :3 am keeping positive, and not really planning things to a tee cause really, it's easier if i don't. nothing's going to go right to plan, and that's ok. i'll work with whatever. i've been very VERY lucky that i have some of the best friends a human could ever ask for <3 srsly, there's no way in hell i would have gotten through this month without an ulcer or a hemorrhage or something if not for my buddies, and i love you guys so fucking much because of that. *gush*
happytemplar deserves a fucking medal for dealing with my crappy moods. srsly.
if i don't make it, you guys get first dibs to pillage my shit. tho cremate me with my markers, damnit.

i'm pretty sure i'll make it through ok. i've got a good Doc, all the tests say i'm 100% healthy (which i totally didn't believe, lol, but someone with a doctorate says so, it must be true). i'm young and i do pretty good with teh healing from past experience (considering how accident prone i am). i really do think i'm gonna be ok :3

but don't get me wrong, there will be plenty of bitching to come.

tl;dr, this month sucked, surgery is soon, and i'll come back online next week and let everyone know i'm still alive X) promise.

and i have cleverly ended this otherwise bland and depressing post with random art, just to fool you! (warning, kinda big and cartoony)
( HA, TAKE THAT )

anywho, i'm gonna spend the rest of the evening distracting myself, pretending to be productive and preparing for when my mother arrives x_x SO MUCH FUN, I TELL YOU.

Everyone stay classy til i get back. <3
i mean it, i expect the awesome to wait til i return. e.e

My baby brother is engaged.

dawwwwww <3
tis the season, i guess X)

So I'm offically doing better. woot.
Spent the entire day without drugs and was able to sit through a full day of getting work done while not being as in pain as i have been recently. it was still there, and i'm still neglecting the hell out of my desktop at home cause the chair kills me, but i'll take what i can get. not taking the painkiller was a big one. go me!
still paranoid about the damn stairs tho.

WATCHMEN ON SATURDAY IN IMAX. FINALLY.

Talked to mom last night, which was good since the last two days have sucked balls for all of us, yet not good at the same time because my mother's a damn empath and she killed my (fake)mood almost instantaneously cause of all the crap on her end. I'm not completely heartless, i do feel really bad for her, but on the other hand, all of this stuff with her ex/semi-ex/wtf is just pissing me the hell off and i have little to no tolerance for it. i'll listen to her for her sake, and keep my tongue for that reason too, but the continuing saga of douchebaggery is just getting a bit past inexcusable.
which is prolly why it bothers me that she keeps excusing it.
*shakes head*

thus to change the subject for her, i mentioned about how it's a real damn possibility now that i'll be going overseas (eeeeee :D) to which she gave a loud and over protective motherly groan (srsly?) that was then followed by this convo:

E: mom, srsly, it's just England, it's not like i'd be going to Africa or anything (again)
Ma:....
E: mom?
Ma: England?
E: er, yah? I told you about this. many times, remember? possibly going to the UK? commissions? convention?
Ma: well, yah, i remember that...but...you said UK.
E:...yes. United Kingdom?
Ma:...
E: what, you didn't realize that?
Ma:...
E: seriously? London, England, Britain, that United Kingdom? the UK.
Ma:...
E: you totally didn't put that together did you.
Ma: hush.

*facepalm*
So this whole time my mother was thinking i was going out to the middle of the desert somewhere in the middle east. for a supernatural convention.
i was adopted.

Association Meme: Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.
*words from Sako*

1. Sailor Moon
hahaha, yah, i guess that one's kind of a no brainer. Sailor Moon was my first love when it came to both anime and learning to draw. I traced a lot back then, overtop of really badly printed scans of sailor moon characters straight from the show so that i could color them. then just started drawing them on my own and went from there :3 it'll always be 'that one thing' that i can love and be embarrassed by at the same time. prolly forever.

2. Gay Angel Porn.
i blame molly for this. i srsly duo. it's completely her fault. if it hadn't been a bribe, if i didn't have to do angel porn for her just to get her to kiss me, than none of this would have happened. tease. of course, it's then my fault for continuing, but hey, i got to draw both pretty wings and pretty men making out. ftw. \m/

3. Media Addiction
wellll, ok. yah. the fact that i have about 400 dvd's prolly wouldn't help any sort of argument for that. i love movies. in fact, growing up, i loved them so much i wanted to be IN movies. and i don't mean as in, acting in them, but being behind the scenes. Hell, i'd have been happy holding the damn grip mic so long as i was THERE and a part of it. Never came to pass, but doesn't stop me from being fascinated, and the extras that come on dvd's were made specifically for people like me. i eat em up like candy. LIKE CANDY.
and i love going to the movies. it's just one of those things i will forever associate with good times.

4. Self Esteem
there's a lack thereof. i struggle with it, i deny it, i spit on it. without really knowing why, to be honest, aside from habit and dislike. the fact that it's really that noticeable bothers me sometimes, but it's not like i can back it up all that much. i don't have a lot of confidence in myself or what i do, despite the fact that i still continue to do it regardless. just another one of those things that i wish wasn't an issue :(

5. Natural Dancer
LOL, now that's a matter of opinion X) sure, i LOVE to dance, but not all those who sing can keep a tune. I'd like belly dance so much more if i could stand to watch myself do it, but truly, i just need to get back into practice. i have a love of music and movement that makes me wish i could do it all the time and never tire, which someday, i hope to do just that.
just gotta work on these damn hips first.

oh, and speaking of the Sako, I'm pimping this out for anyone who might be interested:
HELP PAY SAKO'S RENT
Her prices for art commishes and services are crazy low, so if anyone can help out, it would be so much appreciated. She's awesome and very wonderful to speak to, so don't be shy. She just happens to be a bit poor atm. help a starving artist in need plz!

in the meantime, i'm not having an awesome evening anymore thanks to a couple of badly timed phonecalls. one of my dear friends lost his mother last night and mom got dumped once AGAIN by asshole of the year.
i keep trying, but my lips may as well be sewn shut for all the good it does.
i'm going to bed.

So.
Birthday was ftw. I had an awesome time in NYC (as we traveled across most of it in 2 degree weather, holy crap) and generally enjoyed myself :3
it was srsly freezing though, i couldn't believe that temperature. my jaw froze. i mean, literally, i was slurring my words because of the wind, and that's, like, one of the first signs of hypothermia isn't it? O__o gawd.
i was, however, happy to continue my wishful tradition of seeing snow on my birthday. and despite how gross jersey is (no offense, all my jersey friends <3) there was a new enough layer of white fluffy snow left for my enjoyment before the air blackened it up.
(sunseenli! i'm sorry i missed you! i tried calling and emailing you, but i think some wires got crossed somewhere :[ )

Another bday bites the dust X) good riddance. I'll celebrate ifwhen I'm sixty.

Otherwise, been trying to kick my ass into gear packing and all around psyching myself up for the move. Am both really looking forward to it, and really not. Not that moving has ever been a problem for me, but you end up with ties to certain things that can be hard to let go of.
My kitty is one of them ;_; gawd, that's gonna be so hard.
E, you SAP.

Went and saw 'My Bloody Valentine 3-D' with fauxfaia and LOVED every bit of it. it was cheesy and gross and dumb and gross and had PORN IN 3D and was fanfriggentastic. I was laughing most of the way through the movie. which got me some weird looks, but you know what? that movie deserves to be laughed at. campy slasher fic ftw.
that, and i'll gladly take me some more jensen in 3-D. omnomnom.

Mom wants me to come home this weekend cause of the birthday stuff. which basically means i come home and sit there with a last minute cake while she snuggles with her boytoy. funtimes. *mmm, boxcake* i'm pretty resigned at this point to limit it to only a day tho with the excuse of packing. (which really isn't an excuse, dumbass) we'll see how that plays out -.-

Ohayhocon is in two weeks (krist) and i still gotta get my damn shoes fixed and figure out what all i need to yank together at the last minute. we won't have an AA table for this one tho, so thankfully no last minute arts to do. which is good, cause i haven't been able to draw in weeks ;.; still crocheting though. wtf. i need to learn to do something more than scarves...

SOMEONE KICK MY ASS AND TELL ME TO WRITE.
lord knows my muse and i are not on speaking terms right now.

*curls up in a warm hoody and munches on mac&cheese*

I just sat in a freezing car for a half an hour, listening to my mother go on and on about the drama that is ALREADY happening before the cultfamily disasterget-together this weekend for Christmas.

The more I hear/think/worry/stress/speak about it, the more I would like to smash my head onto something. repeatedly.

Preferably something sharp.

mom returned my call.
looks like all that space in between then and now was filled up with her boyfriend breaking up with her.
totally outta left field. again.
now i feel like an asshole, but that's beside the point.

she can barely talk, she's sobbing, and i ask her if she needs me and she says 'its ok, i'll be alright. i don't need to talk about it. i'm a survivor and i carry on'
and suddenly i hate how easily i use that same damn line.

we can't ever catch a break, can we.

ETA: called lil bro and he talked to her for a bit, got more info. (his woman has done wonders for his feminine side, i swear.)
looks like, once again, mom was dating someone who was pining for the fjords. aka, still stuck on their crazy ex. this one's had five years past the expiration date of his, and he dumps my mother for that? gawd. claims he was dating my mother on a trial basis to see if he could handle it.
oh how sweet. good thing my mother's an unfeeling robot for when you change your mind. jerk.

she drives me nutz on occasion, don't get me wrong, but speaking out of blood relation, my mother is far too sweet and strong to deal with this shit. srsly.

anyone else who feels like being batshit and cruel can just get outta line right now. no really, i'll wait.

*breathes*
ok...so. my computer is working. GAWD.
after a very long and involved weekend of taking care of my brother after his surgery and getting amazingly miffed at my clueless mother (tl;dr) Dave was nice enough to hook me up with a copy of Adobe CS3. which made me so immeasurably happy in the hopes that perhaps SOMETHING good came from such an undeserved migraine.

but my hopes were soon dashed, only to find that as soon as i installed both photoshop and illustrator, Orion2 FUBARed like crazy to the point that i was expecting flames. i still kinda am.

so i call up superjew, and he asks for my specs. well, embarrassingly, it ends up that this was something i have neglected to keep an eye on for my poor, awesome computer for nearly four years now. since i haven't really upgraded a damn thing in him. oops. not that i really think about these things, but still. SOMETHING should have snapped in my mind to tell me that the more involved a graphics program is, the more awesome my comp would need to be to run it.

Regardless, i am now looking at a total overhaul. technically, i could go without, but it's a timebomb at this point considering all the crap that needs to be wiped clean here. Which means i'll probably be set back a good three hundred if i do it now instead of waiting for the computer rapture. where it would undoubtedly be more.
the amount isn't as bad as it -could- be, considering my relation to superjew, but still. damn. merry fucking christmas.
last year it was my car.

i want my holiday back and i want it back now. *stamps floor*

gawd i'm tired.
NOTE TO SELF: LOTION IS NOT TOOTHPASTE. GET MORE SLEEP.

on the plus side, i know my brother won't steer me wrong in any way, and that he's barely charging me for the work he'll do. he was also able to hook me up with an uber printer for a decently awesome price to take with me for when i move. not to mention him dealing rather politely with my cranky ass on the phone trying to fix it all.
all good things. *counts them*

i'd vent about the family crap, but it feels like beating a dead horse at this point. i'm glad my mother is happy, (no really, i am) so i'll just let that be it and avoid the topic. if she decides to pull her maturity together and stops trying to get me to make her damn decisions, then this wouldn't be a problem. not that saying anything will make ANY DAMN DIFFERENCE since she's so head over heels in love. whatever. i'm over it.
be my guest and bail on Christmas, i don't care.
it's not like it'll ever be the same again anyway.
*beats that horse again just for the hell of it*

someone let me know when the holidays are over, i'll just be over here making cookies.
>:[